It’s hard to believe that February is here. January was somewhat of a blur. We spent a week in the hospital and then began the transition to hospice care.  There were a couple of days where Ashley surprised us all and felt well enough to go to school.  It seems those days are behind us now.

Throughout her treatment whenever people have asked how she’s doing I’ve always tried to put a positive spin on things and share the positive, but this weekend as I’ve been asked how she’s doing, I’ve had to be more honest.  She’s getting weaker day by day.  She’s working harder for each breath. She’s become more difficult to understand as her speech is being affected by the location of her tumor.  We’re all doing everything we can to bring her comfort and happiness throughout each day.  There are times when she prefers to rest in her room and other times when she prefers to rest in the living room. Whether she’s awake or sleeping she likes to have cartoons on in the background.  Most often she’ll ask to watch Wow Wow Wubbzy, but this weekend she’s changed things up a bit and has asked to watch Strawberry Shortcake.  Regardless of where she’s resting she keeps her little bubbles in hand along with her favorite soft, purple blanket.  She has moments where she’s playful.  I’ll ask her for kisses and she’ll say that all her kisses belong to her Daddy.  She has moments where she’ll assert her authority and tell our cat, Bailey, to behave.  She’ll ask for  sips of “juice” which is actually Iced Passion Tea from Starbucks.  So our daily trips to Starbucks always include getting some “juice” for Ashley.

Tonight I began the task of going through pictures, a task I had been avoiding.  I’ve always been the type of Mom to have a camera in my purse or diaper bag.  More recently I’ve found myself taking pictures with my iPhone.  Despite the fact that I sometimes feel like the paparazzi because I take so many pictures of my girls, it took a lot less time than I expected it would to go through all of our pictures. This served as a brutal reminder that three years of life is much too short, tragically short.

We ask that you continue to keep Ashley and our family in your prayers, but I also that you keep those who have lost a child to cancer in your prayers as well as those that continue to be in the fight.